Seeds

11/8/2020 Ariana Durling

Today it was exceptionally warm in Michigan for November. I never looked at the thermometer but it was warm enough to have short sleeves, and bright enough to need sunglasses. We had been setting records for high temps in the last week I had heard.

This has been giving the residents an extension for being outside at a time we definitely need it the most. The worldwide pandemic continues and our numbers are again steadily increasing. The election has been called and even though it is far from over as we tread through these historical days of 2020, it has given most a chance to finally take a breath. And with weather giving a boost in mood and attitude, many were turning to outside tasks and readying themselves for winter…we were no different.

My husband was cutting up some fallen trees that fell during our last windy day, while he thought I might enjoy mowing a small field we have that we call “the pickle patch”. It is called that as years ago his family raised cucumbers there for a local canning business…but as the years went on and Bean Creek has so subtly changed it’s direction it spends most every spring submerged in flood waters. So we planted some flowers for our bees and allow milkweed and other native plants to populate there, unsprayed and natural.

My mind wandered as I took the tractor there, taking in the trees, the leaves still slowly falling from the oaks who are typically the last to shed for the winter. I love watching the dark amber, orange leaves floating on an invisible breeze. I felt a bit of sorrow as I began the blades turning. I am always torn as to leave the shelter in place for the insects, small critters, wind breaks for deer. But I know after the snow and heavy floods, the plants and grasses will return easier if it is mowed in the fall.

My melancholy did not last long, as the tractor approached and entered an area with hundreds of milkweed pods burst open to expose the cottony white parachutes of their seeds and in an instant the whole tractor was enveloped by the cloud of beautiful seeds taking flight. It was not overly windy today, only a slight breeze, especially here in a low area surrounded on 3 sides by trees. But the seeds were being lifted and slowly heading north none the less, and it was joyful.

Other plants seeds were also being spread, a few on small parasails, some just knocked immediately to the surrounding ground. It was a constant cloud of seeds, insects, plant parts. Of course I began contemplating how all plants seed. How the nuts are taken by the squirrel to be forgotten and allows a mighty oak to take hold in a place far from the mother tree. The unsuspecting deer that scrapes through the tall grasses catching the spiny seeds of various plants in it’s hair and shaking it off miles from where it was first found. And of course as I was surrounded by the milkweed cloud, I was lost in the joy of those gorgeous puffy sails as they were set free and took flight. Some seemed to fall immediately into the same field, yet others were uplifted and found the breeze and off they went out of sight…and like enthralled in some Dr. Seuss tale my mind rooted for the seed to travel miles…to continue on and plant milkweed where none had ever been…to continue on and flourish as never before imagined.

As my mind often does when I am lost in thought, it came full circle to thinking about my family. The ones whose genes I am blessed, and at times burdened with. The ones who are now lost to me. My grandma came into view. She loved birds, butterflies and loved the natural things that allowed them to flourish. She always was able to save seeds from flowering plants, garden plants and use the same lineage from year to year. A practice I regret not learning from her. So many things we overlook from our elders that we look back and regret after we they go on without us.

But she planted so many “seeds” that have remained and helped make me strong. Drifting back in time my memories recall her soft embrace, her soothing voice and her gentle hand stroking my hair. She always had wonderful assurances, lifting me up, encouraging me, reminding me that no matter what obstacles the world placed I had choices and chances to thrive…go places…be anything…as long as I was willing to work hard.

It’s funny when we are living through certain times in our lives we rarely notice much of the smaller scenes, and often write them off or dismiss them quickly. But later we can see how meaningful and life altering these moments can be. They are the “seeds” upon which our esteem and psyche either climb or find ways to hide and protect. The words, the emotions and the actions attached all shape our view of the world and ultimately ourselves. I felt my grandma here today. I felt her watching with me in joy at the spreading cloud of milkweed seeds. I thanked her. I gave thanks for all the others in my life who planted “seeds” of positivity and love. I felt how blessed I have been.

Of course then I felt a bit of sadness for those not so blessed. For those who struggled because the “seeds” that others planted for them were not of love, not of hope…and I prayed they all could somehow find ways to grow their own “seeds”, find their own paths to love and joy. I felt respect for those I knew that had already journeyed that path, finding many difficulties along the way…some able to persevere, reminding me of those flowers you see growing in the concrete crack, or another defying obstacles to grow in the strangest, harshest places; while others still wading through growth made thick and cumbersome from negativity, scorn, abuse.

You see, we all plant “seeds”. Many times we plant rotten ones, maybe not intentionally, but they are during times of young thoughtless behavior intended to impress another, in moments of jealousy, or lashing out when we are hurt. If the soil surrounding the “seed” is strong it can overpower the ugly, rotten seed…but oftentimes the soil is vulnerable and easily tainted…and a scar is left. Hopefully the scars can be faded with time, but many can last lifetimes.

I sent out an apology to the universe for the “seeds” I planted that were not of love and joy. I asked for forgiveness many years ago. I felt the overwhelming response of acceptance return to me. You see in mindfulness and awareness we look deeper at ourselves and our inner truths and at times we have to admit things we do not like to see or know. But this is how we grow, this is what makes us better. This is what allows us to continue on, break cycles, plant in the future generations “seeds” that instill peace, joy, love.

Be willing to look deep and see what “seeds” affected you. If they were of negativity and give you struggles…look deeper…ask yourself if those can be stripped away, let go and replaced or just let go. Look often, let go often.

I encourage each of you to look inward and make certain the “seeds” you are planting are sowing the things you want to leave behind. I also encourage you to enjoy the beautiful ways nature seeds her landscape. She is trying to tell us something in every breeze…listen.

Peace my friends.