“By Myself”: What ‘Lightyear’ Taught Me About Self-Isolation

By Luke Durling 01\14\2023

Major spoilers for Lightyear ahead. Please watch it. It’s on Disney+. It is so good. 

My absolute favorite thing about Lightyear is something many people probably won’t even notice…

After the incidental ejection of the Hyperspeed Crystal by Izzy and the apparent failure of Operation: Surprise Party, Buzz says something relatable and seemingly unremarkable…

“I just need to be by myself…” 

Mere milliseconds before Zurg’s mighty metal maw grabs him from seemingly out of nowhere and quickly whisks him away with nothing but a short, devilish chuckle.

The thing is: Buzz was very much by himself. 

Minutes later, it is revealed, perhaps a bit haphazardly on the first watch,  that the hulking metal  tyrant is nevertheless Buzz himself. An alternate, older, time meddling copy, mind you, but a carbon copy still.

A man so fixated, so isolated in his interests, failures and his own volition that he found a future demon and hopped right in, stealing, destroying, becoming the demon himself. 

All from being by himself for a lifetime too long…

Poetic. isn’t it?

The thing about poetry though…

It reflects our reality. And, unfortunately, this is as real as can be for some of us. Especially me.

Isolation is the ultimate crutch for those who are dreamers, those who want the world to change but the change doesn’t seem to come quickly enough. Those who ruminate. 

It is extremely hard for people who do ruminate to understand people who don’t, because in a certain way, we all seem to have done it or do it at least on some scale. Feeling remorse, looking back on pain and past mistakes, using them to keep ourselves protected from the future unknown might seem inherently human. And it might be…

Except, no, it is not. 

Ruminating is hell. There is no other way to get it across. Ruminating on even the smallest of pains, the tiniest infractions, can kill your mind and stifle your soul in ways you don’t even realize or even understand. 

Ruminating is the metaphorical mech suit with the piercing eyes that promises to make you strong, to fix the problems with the world- to fix you- while you are slowly drained, day by day, year by year and eon by eon, into something you never wanted to be. 

The most common way we become this way is being by ourselves, to let that part of us we hate start talking to us for far too long, to not be present in rooms out of worrying, to waste time on a mission that was never our mission to begin with.

I know what it’s like to have pain and struggles, You don’t want to burden people. You don’t want to ask for help with this or that or anything really. You want to be the hero of your own story. However, let me ask you a question; can the bird survive without the berry bushes and the worms? Is the sky the sky without the ground? Could you have existed if not for your parents before you? 

I know that the phrase “it’s all relative” is an uber cliché, but it is for a reason. 

People need people, whether we admit it or not (even enjoy it for that matter). We need each other to teach us, feed us, sew for us, build for us, do everything we cannot do for ourselves, because we, no matter how much we try, cannot do it all. 

Most importantly of all, however, is the fact that we need to be loved. Not physically, but emotionally in some way shape or form. Ruminating makes us hate the person we are, but yet somehow makes us want to overcome it by ourselves. This is what makes Zurg and his mind so dangerous, it is a literal enigma of hate and pain that has been the same way for far too long,

Of course, he had no point of reference. He was by himself.

That is what I find so wonderful about Lightyear. Buzz Lightyear is a character I kept coming back to again and again, but I only understood partially why (and, let’s face it. probably relearning again and again). Now, I think I fully understand why; I need to let go of him, or at least what he used to mean to me.

I always liked Buzz being in his own context. Buzz as spaceman. Buzz as a hero, However, until the pandemic, I really missed a key aspect of Buzz’s history. Captain Lightyear was not simply The Great Space Ranger because he alone was The Great Space Ranger, but rather he had his friends. When I’m alone for long periods of time, I want to help people. I’ve always wanted to help, assist and bring joy to as many people as possible, Much like my future hero, I have always had a desire to do the bold and daring things to help others. The more grandiose, the better. 

Problem is, that doesn’t exactly help yourself. Plus, when you put so much stock into others happiness, and then fail to make them happy, get ignored or are just unsure what you can do, fear starts creeping in real quick. You start to feel bad about things you had absolutely nothing to do with. You ruminate on missions failed and things you thought you lost, but you never really found to begin with. 

You find yourself alone and in pain with yourself, the one seemingly responsible, the only real person who can theoretically fix it, has to. Is that not justice, after all? 

No. It is absolutely not. 

Sometimes, there is no justice. That is not a bad thing. In fact, justice only works when there is something that needs persecuted, and there are few things that actually rise to such a level.

No, Buzz Lightyear would either be nothing or a tyrant, which I believe is worse, without his friends. Sure, he had his own exploits, but those pail in comparison to the wonders he achieves with others. Without SOX, he would have never reached his coveted Hyperspeed. Without Izzy, Mo and Darby, he never would have subdued his own demons, literally and figuratively. 

More importantly, perhaps; Without Woody, Buzz Lightyear would have never learned to fall with style. 

Which brings me back to that absolutely wonderful, yet horribly parodied and all but taboo expression from my childhood: “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” 

So often do we overlook this sentiment as childish fluff played far too often In what we consider “mature reality”,  “grown up world”. 

In my opinion, this simple sentiment seems to be more needed today and every day beyond it. ad Infinitum. 

You might not be social. You might not even like people in general.  Hell, some days I don’t. But, we all have that one person, that one time, that one group, that one encounter where we have just clicked and the world became fun, the problems just melted away and all was well. If that hasn’t happened to you yet, I pray that it does, for you might not even realize it until it goes away, Even the most isolated monks have their convents. 

You take those people, animals even, and you hold them. They are not burdens, you are not their burden. And you ask then for help when the ruminating starts, You have a friend in those people and they have a friend in you.

Let the mission change or fail, if you must. 

Forget it entirely, if you want and are able. 

Just don’t do it alone. 

Just a quick shout out to all of my absolutely wonderful friends, family and community for supporting me! You have no idea how much you all mean to me! I love you all!

Also, I really do hope that everyone reading this has someone to talk to when they are feeling down or just need somebody. However. if you don’t, and you are in a bind, please do not hesitate to dial 988 for some much needed help. I love that you exist. Let’s keep it that way.